Ah, secrets:
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Hilarious when a giggle-laced whisper is directed into your ear, but paranoia-inflicting when muffled laughter erupts two seats behind you.
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Often times Americans romanticize the hushed exchanges as gateways to intimacy. Picture close friends divulging dirty details over tissues and FroYo, new couples revealing personal matters during those long-lasting, late night phone calls, “I won’t tell you!” becoming “Don’t ever tell a soul!”
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Knowing something special, something juicy, of which the general public hasn’t the slightest suspicion—that’s just fun. Exclusivity tightens the bond, and deeper understanding boosts closeness and comfort.
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But not all secrets help pull a pair together. In romantic relationships, experts say some things are better left unsaid.
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“Even though you’re part of a twosome, your relationship will thrive if you maintain a private side,” Marti Olsen Laney, PsyD, coauthor of The Introvert and Extrovert in Love, toldCosmopolitan in an interview this year. “Plus, some things might hurt your partner, so keeping them quiet prevents needless stress on your bond.”
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Let’s explore the difference between sharing the cute and admitting the catastrophic.
| Okay | Not Okay |
| “Babe, your best friend’s so nice. The three of us should hang out more.” |  “Babe, your best friend’s so hot. The three of should, you know…” |
| “I’d rather not go golfing with your mom tomorrow. I’m really bad at swinging!” | “I’d rather not go golfing with your mom tomorrow. I’m really bad at not swinging my club into that awful woman’s face!” |
| “Oh, it’s just a cold sore.” (when it is) | “Oh, it’s just a cold sore.” (when it’s not) |
| “Yeah, that’s my ex…” | “Yeah, that’s my ex…who I still constantly imagine naked. Those four hours in the hot tub were too mind-blowing to forget.” |
| “When I drink too much, I get so silly!” |
“When I drink too much, I make out with every guy at the bar! Every last one! Regardless of age or Axe fumes!”
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| “Oh babe, I love it when you do that!” | “Oh babe, I love it when you do that! It’s the only thing you’re good for.” |
| “I really want to get your name tattooed.” | “I really want to get your name tattooed. I’d put it right above Bill and Johnny.” |
| “So this guy was definitely trying to get in my pants last night.” | “So this guy was definitely trying to get in my pants last night. And after this magic minute with you, I wish he would have succeeded.” |
| “I love the picture collage you made me!” |
“I love the picture collage you made me! I’ll put it by my boyfriend shrine, right next to the lock of hair I clipped from you.”
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| “I used to be a tomboy.” | “I used to be a boy.” |
*Note: Humor aside, let your moral compass guide what’s best revealed. Amazing relationships are built on honesty, but that doesn’t mean he wants to hear about your BFF synchronized menstrual cycles.