Situationships can be incredibly complex and confusing. You might find yourself asking if you should reconnect with your situationship after a long winter or summer break, if you should play hard to get, and what happens on Valentine’s Day with your situationship.
Some situationships might be more clear than others, you might see yourselves as a couple just without the title. In that case, the decision to spend Valentine’s Day together might be totally obvious. But what about the people who just got into situationships, or those who haven’t really spoken about their relationship before?
And then there’s the gifts. Obviously, you’re not going to go all out for their Valentine’s Day gift, but should you even buy them something at all?
Unfortunately, the answers to these questions might not be as clear for everyone, and the upcoming holiday might look like one huge question mark. So, I spoke with three experts — Kathryn Ely, Lachlan Brown, and Deon Black — about how to approach Valentine’s Day with your situationship, and here’s what I learned.
Manage your expectations about the holiday.
We’ve all been told that your 20s are a time to experiment and find yourself, and not every situationship is the perfect match. So when you’re thinking about whether you really want to spend the holiday together, it’s time to set some realistic expectations.
“Every experience comes down to expectations,” says Kathryn Ely, the owner of Empower Counseling & Coaching. “If you expect too much, you will be disappointed if you are reasonable with your expectations, you could enjoy yourself.”
Before officially asking your situation to spend the holiday with you, it could be useful to be honest with yourself about what you want Valentine’s Day to look like and have a concrete idea of those expectations. If you feel these expectations are something your situation can uphold, then it’s time to have that discussion with them. Remember, you deserve more than just a fast-food date on Valentine’s Day!
Speak openly about the holiday.
After you’ve gathered your expectations and have determined you definitely want to spend Valentine’s Day with them, it’s time to pop the question. In other words, it’s time to be bold.
When you’re proposing the date, it’s important to make sure to frame the day’s events in a way that aligns with your situationship’s dynamics, says Lachlan Brown, a relationship and founder of Hack Spirit. “Avoid framing it as a significant or romantic event, but rather as an opportunity to enjoy each other’s company,” Brown says.
This might be easier said than done though; Deon Black, a dating coach and founder of Let’s Talk Sex, actually says asking a situation to spend Valentine’s Day together is “like asking a cat to take a bath — it can get messy!”
To avoid any messy experiences, the key is to be direct and casual. “No grand gestures or skywriting, please,” Black says. “Something along the lines of ‘Hey, I’ve got no plans on the 14th, fancy joining me for some pizza and Netflix?’ should do the trick.”
Maybe your Valentine’s Day looks like a movie or game night together, or maybe you’re exploring your city’s latest restaurants. Regardless of what the holiday looks like to you, all that matters for a situationship is that the activities “reflect the informal nature of their relationship,” Brown added.
You can celebrate without making the night too romantic.
We’ve all seen the movies, TV commercials, and TikToks of people depicting what Valentine’s Day gifts they gave or received that year. It’s a lot of jewelry and heart-shaped items, basically the opposite of what you should be giving your situation.
While you’re definitely not going to go all out on a gift, you can still give them something small that shows you care. The important thing is that the gift is “modest and reflective of your casual relationship,” Brown says. “Small, thoughtful items that show you value their interests or personality can be appropriate.”
Maybe you saw a mug in a bookstore with a funny quote that reminds you of them, or maybe you saw a bag of their favorite candy in a store. It’s like buying a Galentine’s Day gift for a close friend; it’s not the most extravagant gift in the world, but it’s something that shows you care.
Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be some big, love-filled holiday. It can be whatever you want it to be, and it shouldn’t be weird to celebrate with your situationship. It’s time to create your own expectations for the holiday and spend the day doing what makes you happy.