Are you tired of repeating the same dating app disasters or finding yourself stuck in yet another sour situationship? In today’s world, where dating seems to be as easy as swiping left or right, perhaps it’s time to break the cycle altogether. While it might seem easier to just move on from one person to the next, instead you should try avoiding them period. Bestie, you need to be “boysober.”
Coined by Brooklyn-based comedian, Hope Woodard, being boysober means stepping away from romantic entanglements, regardless of gender, to break free from toxic dating habits. (BTW, since when has celibate gotten cool?) Even though it can be nice to fill that void of companionship or, frankly, being horny, you need to do more to really “find yourself” in your love life.
And don’t get all upset if you’ve been single for so long. That’s the point of being boysober. As Woodard put it, “You’re not single if someone is taking up space in your brain.” Being boysober isn’t about feeling lonely or deprived — it’s about reclaiming ownership of your thoughts, emotions, and ultimately, your life. It’s an opportunity to prioritize your personal growth and well-being without the distractions or complications of romantic entanglements.
The idea of not being able to date around might be daunting, but embracing the boysober lifestyle could surprise you in a positive way. While it may not be as extreme or dramatic as the premise of My Year of Rest and Relaxation, adopting the boysober trend could lead to newfound emotional clarity and inner peace in your relationships. Whether you commit to a year of self-discovery or just a few months, here are Woodard’s 2024 boysober rules to keep in mind, if you’re into that sort of thing.
- Delete the dating apps.
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Completely delete Bumble, Hinge, and Tinder from your phones right now. Even hide them in your app store if necessary. While dating apps can be a nice and convenient way to meet someone if you have a hard time getting out there, they often create addictive behaviors and encourage presenting an idealized version of oneself. By stepping away from the screen, you can truly focus on pleasing yourself versus others.
- Go on dates with yourself, not other people.
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There are a lot of expectations when it comes to dating, which can be mentally overwhelming. So, to avoid that inner stress, take a break from dating for a bit. Instead, treat yourself to a little self-care date. This is the perfect way to promote self-love and personal growth.
- Don’t text your ex. Seriously.
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This one is a toughie because sometimes it can seem so easy to just reunite with that one person who knows you in and out. However, is seeing your ex really worth it? What once fit perfectly may now feel constraining. Moving forward without revisiting past relationships can be challenging, but it allows for the opportunity to discover aspects of ourselves we may have overlooked before.
- Skip the situationships.
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Don’t try to be sneaky and settle with situationships. With these undefined relationships, you’re causing more harm than help. It might seem like the best deal to be an unlabeled pair and adopt that go-with-the-flow mentality, you’ll be questioning yourself and your partner’s intentions constantly. By avoiding boundaries, you’re setting yourselves up for confusion, misunderstandings, and ultimately potential personal hurt.
- Start exploring non-physical intimacy.
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Say goodbye to the hugs and kisses because it’s time to put a halt on all physical intimacy. Leave the sex behind and let’s keep things platonic for the time being. While you might feel the desire for physical contact (trust me, you’re so valid), save it for someone down the line who will actually respect you. This isn’t about being abstinent forever, but rather about reserving physical affection for a time when it feels right, with someone who genuinely values and appreciates you.
Be dramatic, and don’t be afraid to try out the drama-free boysober lifestyle. For 365 days, experience the benefits of being sober from dating and its drama. Instead, redirect your time and energy towards personal self-love to free yourself from the constant stress and worry of modern relationships.