New relationships can be sweet, especially when your partner dotes on you, but itâs important to realize love bombing signs that could potentially save you from a toxic situation.Â
Because of the pandemic, itâs been a pretty weird time for dating. There have been tons of COVID-induced breakups, long distance relationships and online dating. But soon enough weâre all going to have to brush up on our in-person dating skills, and Iâm sure weâre all hungry for some affection.Â
While this may be an exciting time for dating and trying out new things, itâs important to still practice caution. Relying too much on your rose-colored glasses (or being so optimistic you miss warning signs) may end up getting you in a toxic situation. One particular form of abuse that takes advantage of your rose-colored glasses is known as love bombing. Love bombing is a fairly new term to describe a manipulation technique that involves overwhelming you with loving words or actions early on in the relationship. FKA Twigs and Shiah LaBoeuf’s relationship made headlines earlier this year, and it appears as if Twigs may have experienced love bombing.Â
Itâs crucial to recognize the signs sooner rather than later. Illinois-based relationships therapist Dr. Mark E. Sharp tells Her Campus that he often sees love bombing come up among younger demographics, which he attributes to younger people taking more time to âdevelop oneâs own identity solidly enough to be confident in themselvesâ and not rely on affection from someone else. The gratification and attention may feel good at first, but before you know it, things go south. Here are some love bombing signs to look out for.Â
- Early Relationship Commitment
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So, the person youâve been talking to wants to get the talking stage over with and begin the relationship, but you feel like itâs too soon. Stick to your gut. Wanting to commit quickly may make this person seem super interested in you, but itâs just a control tactic so you don’t get to leave early.Â
The talking stage is important because you get to learn more about this new person before going forward with any next steps. This new person wanting to skip the talking stage leaves you no time to analyze them and spot any potential red flags. An early desire to become exclusive is a tell-tale love bombing sign because in the moment, it may feel flattering that they seem so interested, but this isnât very natural in most relationship scenarios.
- Big Gifts & Grand Gestures
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Do you feel like youâre getting spoiled very early on in the relationship? Is your new partner giving you expensive gifts or making over-the-top gestures? This definitely isn’t something to ignore, and it can be a component of love bombing. Gift-giving can be fun, but when itâs nothing but big gifts and grand gestures meant to impress you, it becomes an effort to âbuyâ you.Â
Dr. Sharp tells Her Campus to look out for âsome version of the messages âafter all Iâve done for youâ or âafter all the love Iâve shown.ââ The early gifts and gestures are simply your partner planting the seeds to guilt you about your lack of affection later on. If these gifts or gestures are making you uncomfortable, it may be time to reflect on your relationship and your partnerâs intentions.
- Over-the-Top Compliments
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Pay attention to what kind of compliments you get from your partner. Extreme statements like âyouâre my soulmateâ or âIâve never met anyone as perfect as youâ can be a red flag and a major love bombing sign if they’re said really early into the relationship. Everyone likes getting compliments, but these kinds of statements early on likely arenât genuine. Certain forms of praise can be a manipulation tactic, and your new partner may just be getting you used to the dopamine you receive from these intense compliments.
âIf a partnerâs expressions of love make you feel uncomfortable because they donât seem realistic given how long you have known each other, that may be love bombing,â says Dr. Sharp. In other words, if theyâre extreme but impersonal, donât buy it. Plus, excessive praising can actually be a sign of narcissistic behavior, so watch out for how your partner compliments you when you first get together!
- Needing Your Undivided AttentionÂ
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Is your new partner bombarding you with texts and calls, or do you notice that they always call you during certain times? Do they get upset when you have other plans that donât involve them? If this sounds like your partner, Iâd suggest keeping some distance. The constant talking and time together is a sign of love bombing that can lead to codependency.Â
Increased communication is normal in the early phases of a relationship, but it shouldnât feel one-sided. It also shouldnât feel like you’re spending overwhelming amounts of time with your partner either. Youâre your own person, and so are they. And while it may feel flattering that they want to spend so much time with you, they could be trying to control you and the relationship.Â
Love Bombing vs. The Honeymoon Phase
Surely youâve heard about or have experienced the âhoneymoon phase,â or the early stage of a relationship where youâre both perfectly happy with each other and everything is new and exciting . I donât want to imply that just because your partner is being overly kind or generous in the beginning that itâs automatically love bombing. Sometimes itâs just the natural honeymoon phase.Â
However, honeymoon phases are first and foremost mutual. â[The honeymoon phase] falls both ways and falls off slowly as the couple adapts to each other,â Dr. Sharp tells Her Campus. âThe falling off isnât associated with some of the negativity that usually goes along with love bombing.âÂ
The honeymoon phase also gradually dwindles down to make way for a deeper, more comfortable stage in your relationship. In other words, you should still be feeling good when the honeymoon phase ends. If you donât, and you feel like your partner is now a totally different person, then you may have experienced love bombing.Â
If this sounds like your situation, donât blame yourself if you hadnât recognized the signs before. It can be difficult when youâre directly in the situation. Now, your first priority should be safely removing yourself from your situation, especially if youâre feeling uncomfortable. Iâd also recommend some self-care and being gentle on yourself. Affection doesnât need to come from someone else! Short-term gratification isnât worth long-term abuse.
Experts:
Dr. Mark E. Sharp, Relationships Therapist