JT brought sexy back, and Her Campus is bringing sassy back—Sassy Gay Friend, that is.
For those of you who don’t know, Sassy Gay Friend is an actor best known for his YouTube videos, in which he saves the females in antiquated literature from an otherwise terrible fate. Before the cringe-worthy MiO ad-placement, SGF had a few witty-but-wise words to say on dysfunctional relationships, especially in his parodies of Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet, Othello, and Hamlet. Shakespeare himself probably never would have made our top 10 go-tos for love advice on a list including Cosmo, Seventeen, and HC (which would obviously be #1). But when Sassy Gay Friend steps in and adds his own flair to Shakespeare’s tragedies, SGF is transformed into our modern day love-advice hero, making us realize that as old as these characters might be, they have problems that are pretty similar to our own.
If you’ve ever watched these videos and thought to yourself, “Man, I wish I had a sassy gay friend,” then I’m sending some serious solidarity your way. However, I will say this: you don’t need a sassy gay friend (as awesome as that would be) or even a man on a white horse (#cinderellacomplex) to pull you out of dire situations with your guy. You only need what our very own SGF armed himself with: the mighty sword of common sense.
So here it is: the breakdown of our three tragic female characters, their modern-day college counterparts, and SGF’s advice on how to deal.
1. Collegiette Juliets
Problem A: Life in the Fast Lane
What a lot of people don’t realize is that Romeo and Juliet’s romance lasted from a Sunday to a Thursday evening—that would be a whole not-even-a-week. Newsflash: it did not end well.
Collegiette Juliets, if you were at a traffic light party right now, I would strongly suggest wearing yellow: slow down! Not only are you and your boy always together, but you’ve also done that Photoshop thing where you mesh your faces to create what will probably be a really scary-looking baby. (It doesn’t matter how attractive you are, those babies never end up looking right.) You’ve reached Edward-Bella status, and it’s only two weeks in. You’ll probably say, “I love you” halfway into week three. What does SGF have to say?
“Slow down, crazy. Slow down.”
Whether you’ve heard it in a magazine or from your anxious mom, the truth is that any good relationship is slow building. You don’t want to jump right into whatever comes your way, and frankly, you should be wary if your guy is over-eager as well. It’s not just because it makes you look desperate—after all, if you’re really in love, who really cares what other people think, right?—it’s because it takes time to get to know a person and to figure out their faults (and see if you can overcome them together). Think about the time it took for you to call your best friend your “best friend.” It’s the same thing with a relationship. So relax, have fun, and don’t rush it.
Problem B: Excuses, Excuses, Excuses.
Romeo killed Tybalt, who was Juliet’s cousin, and yet, Juliet stayed by his side.
Um, red flag, anyone? While I doubt your guy has done anything that extreme, the idea is that he causes just as much (if not more) turmoil as joy, and you have consistently let it slide. SGF’s response?
“Save it Patty Hearst, I’m not buying any Stockholm syndrome today.”
A little criminal + medical history recap—I know it’s summer, so I’ll make this quick: Patty Hearst was an American newspaper heiress and actress who was kidnapped by the Symbionese Liberation Army (SLA) and actually ended up fighting alongside her captors. She’s considered to be the prime example of Stockholm’s syndrome, a psychological disorder in which the victim has positive feelings—like empathy—toward the captor.
No, I’m not saying that you have a psychological disorder (and neither is SGF). But after three collegiette years of watching my friends excuse their guys’ troubling behavior (and ignoring some inexcusable behavior myself), I believe we all have a little bit of Patty in us. So whether you’re convinced your guy acts the way he does because of a previous traumatic relationship, parental drama, or a concussion that put him out of the playing field and on to the bench for life, do not, I repeat, do not make excuses for him. There’s no need to undermine his problems—but the fact of the matter is that we all have issues, and we all have to figure out how to deal with them in a way that doesn’t cause a domino effect of even more issues (a.k.a. making everyone else’s life a living nightmare – see Pretty Little Liars.)
If you decide to work through his issues with him, just make sure you let him know that his behavior bothers you. That way, you won’t create a pile-up of problems that you could have addressed from the get-go.
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2. Desdemona Dilemma
Problem A: “The Grass Is Kind Of Green On This Side”
Othello wrongly suspected his wife Desdemona of cheating on him and ended up killing her in a jealous rage. It probably would’ve been a good idea if Desdemona had gotten the heck out while she could.
When the going gets tough, you don’t get going. Maybe you’ve convinced yourself that everything’s not as bad as you’re making it out to be. Maybe you’ve told yourself that there are road bumps in every relationship. So you stick around through all of it, until you’re the one who ends up suffering because of him. Before you ask yourself if it’s worth it, let SGF weigh in:
“Why are you still in the bed?!”
All the evidence adds up against him, and you’re sticking around because…? According to our trusty love expert Dr. Ivan Young, our desire to stay instead of leave can be attributed to what some call “Dependent Personality Disorder,” which is essentially a chronic fear of change and/or being alone. Young says that a lot of people have the mindset of “I’d rather dance with the devil I know, than the one I don’t.” In other words, sometimes it’s easier to stay stuck in a relationship—no matter how tumultuous—because you’re used to that person’s problems and don’t want to have to pick up, move on, and adjust to another whole new set of problems with a new guy. Young’s response? “Are you so scared of having your life get better? Embrace change because with change comes much reward. Don’t delay your gratification.”
If you’ve read this far and acknowledged that you’re in a pickle, but are still having trouble letting go, here’s what a family friend once told me: “Men are like buses. If you don’t like the one that comes your way, you just step back and wait for the next one.” (No joke, that quote happened.) Don’t be afraid to do yourself a favor and look for something better.
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3. Ophelia-So-Bad-For-Yourself
Problem A: Bringing the Pity Party Whoop
Ophelia got to be pretty depressed because of the way Hamlet was treating her, to the point where she drove herself crazy and possibly caused her own death.
Sure, it’s annoying if he suddenly won’t look your way or answer your texts or treat you the way he should. But, so what? You’re a college-educated, real world-bound woman, and even if you don’t quite know what you want, you certainly know what you deserve. So if you find yourself ready to ditch the pity party for a real one, here’s what SGF recommends that you do:
“You’re gonna write a sad poem in your journal and move on.”
Bottom line: It’s OK to be upset if things don’t work out—let yourself cry, rip up a few pictures, and trash-talk him with your girls. If necessary, pull a Nick Miller on New Girl and make a reasons-why-I-should-not-get-back-together-with-this-person video. Minus the beard-growing, obviously. But when you’re finished, let it all go.
How much grieving time do you need? That, according to Dr. Young, “should be assessed on an individual basis.” He suggests getting to a point where you’re no longer emotionally volatile, where you’re in control of your feelings. So it may be one poem, it may be 50—whatever it takes. Just be sure to make that clear distinction between working out your feelings and wallowing in them.
Problem B: Blind to Your Assets
Ok, maybe this problem didn’t really happen in the play, but this article needs a happy ending (#cinderellacomplexpart2).
In the video, when SGF sees that Ophelia is about to throw everything away, he validates her with the best line ever:
“P.S.: This is the best your hair has ever looked… I can’t believe you were going to get it wet!”
There’s no reason why your glory days should end after a break-up or a disappointing relationship. They don’t call it “single and ready to mingle” for nothing. Cyndi Lauper said it best in “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun”: “Some boys take a beautiful girl and hide her away from the rest of the world/I wanna be the one to walk in the sun.” So go on ahead and strut your stuff because there’s so much to you, all on your own without a Hamlet looming in the picture.
Young concludes that there are “two things in life you cannot get back: time and perfect opportunity.” So if all else fails, look at your life, look at your choices. If you’re happy with what you see, by all means, carry on. But if not, ask yourself, “What, What, What Am I Doing?” and fix it yourself, Sassy Gay Friend style.
Sources
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001937/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Patty_Hearst
Dr. Ivan Young
http://www.divanyoung.com/