The newest era of Charli XCX has arrived, and with it the smoothing of a tumultuous relationship between the British popstar and singer-songwriter Lorde. When Charli released her sixth studio album, Brat, which had been teased for months with new aesthetics and billboards, she also released the “The girl, so confusing version with lorde” where the two decided to “work it out on the remix.”
Just as the original version does, “The girl, so confusing,” Charli lays out the complicated nature of both existing as a girl and trying to build relationships when it feels like other forces — be they popular perception or the voices inside your head — are working against you. But the remix sees reconciliation between two stars, with one of the most notable lines in the second verse being Lorde’s declaration that they “work it out on the remix.” But, what does it mean to “work it out on the remix?”
While Vulture describes “working it out on the remix” as “a public truce under the guise of a joint slay,” I think it’s a bit more than that. The remix is literally music — Charli XCX and Lorde get to enter into a familiar setting for both of them to express themselves. In the studio, (and on the remix) Lorde and Charli XCX get to showcase what they’re best at while confessing some of the insecurities that have hindered their relationship for the past few years.
For regular people, “working it out on the remix” is probably going to a neutral site to hash things out while agreeing that you’re there to hype each other up, not tear each other down.
You may find yourself in a similar position, asking: “Is it time to work it out on the remix?” But before you swipe away to think about messaging an old friend, you should ask yourself these five questions:
- Have I grown?
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If you’re still the same person you were when this friendship initially fell apart, it’s probably not a good idea to jump back into it. Sometimes people grow apart for healthy reasons — we need to develop our own sense of self before spending too much time with people who can unknowingly (or knowingly) influence us. Ask yourself if you feel secure enough now to be able to deal with the emotions that may come up in reconciliation.
- Have they grown (and demonstrated that)?
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Relationships are two-way streets. If you’ve established that you’ve grown as a person, you should also check to see if your ex-friend has grown as a person — and, most importantly— demonstrates that through their words and actions. If not, this rekindling could be dangerous for both of you, again for some of the reasons stated above.
- Is this a good time for me?
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One of the things I’ve learned from my therapist is that big life changes, good and bad, can have unseen effects on our mental health. If you’ve recently gone through a big life change, it’s probably not the best idea to jump into rebuilding a relationship that may be difficult to relearn. Again, this is about protecting you and the person you’d like to be friends with again by practicing healthy coping habits and trying to make safe decisions.
- Could this poorly affect my other friendships?
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If this relationship fractured because the ex-friend was cruel towards someone you’re still friends with, you should consider the effects returning to that relationship could have on the friend that was hurt. Perhaps they also need to be in on the remix — but only if they, too, have grown to the point where they’re ready to address it.
- Am I really ready to reconnect now?
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Your final check should be on your motivations for the reconciliation. Are you ready to put in the emotional labor to resolve your issues? Are you optimistic but prepared if things go sideways? Why are you thinking about this now? Knowing your motivation also means you’ll be ready to explain it if you haven’t seen this person in a while, and that you have a sense of what your end goal is. As Charli said, it can be confusing, but if you’re ready to dive into that confusion: godspeed, my friend.
If you find that you’re not ready, that’s okay. There’ll be other chances, but for now, you can focus on the relationships you have and growing yourself as a person. And if you are ready, good luck on the remix!