Imagine this: It’s bid day, and you are so happy because you get an invitation to join your dream sorority. You are thrilled to run home and tell your roommate, who rushed with you to see if she received a bid. But when you open the door, they’re crying. They tell you they did not get a bid and are crushed. So, what do you do if you got a bid, and your roommate didn’t?
Bid day is a day of excitement and joy. But for others, it’s a day of sadness and disappointment. If you got a bid and your roommate or friend didn’t, it puts both of you in an uncomfortable and tough spot — especially when you’re living together. It brings up a lot of emotions, such as disappointment and sadness, and questions, such as how you help your roommate while also managing your excitement. And, if you rushed with your roommate, you may also feel disappointed that you can not be together when you start.
I talked with Michael Anderson, MA, LPC, a licensed professional counselor and the Clinical Director at Healing Pines Recovery, to get some. tips to help you deal with this situation — so that you and your roommate can get through it stronger.
- Offer a listening ear.
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Let your roommate express their feelings and listen to them without judgment.”The initial stage is recognizing and confirming the feelings of your roommate,” Anderson says. “By admitting that their dissatisfaction was completely reasonable, you create an atmosphere of support where people can talk to each other openly. Besides making them feel attended, listening also generates compassion, which can greatly relieve any strain between both of you.”
- Communicate with your roommate openly.
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Open communication is essential in any relationship, especially with roommates. “Be truthful about the issue and provide a secure space for your roommate to air out their concerns,” Anderson says. “While sharing your excitement over this matter, you should ensure it remains moderate so as not to eclipse their emotions, thereby leading into a helpful dialogue where everyone’s views are valued.”
You can express your excitement and joy, but make sure your roommate is in the right headspace to hear you.
- Balance your excitement and Empathy.
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It may feel difficult to balance your excitement with your desire not to hurt your roommate’s feelings. However, it is possible to celebrate achievements while considering other people’s feelings simultaneously. “Make certain that celebrations are done in appropriate settings or during suitable hours, hence allowing each person enough opportunity to share their experience,” Anderson says. “In doing this, you will be able to revel in your success without overshadowing their feelings, always ensuring fairness in conversations which should not revolve around sorority life every time.”
- Maintain a healthy relationship with them outside of Greek life.
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Maintain a relationship with your roommate outside of your Greek life. A sorority is not the only path to having a fulfilling college experience. “To keep things normal between you both as friends outside the sorority context is very important; hence, continue doing activities that bring joy to your lives even after joining this club because, without them, things might start becoming different between the two of you,” Anderson says. Try to make time to nurture the relationship between you and your roommate, even if they didn’t get a bid.
This situation can be tough for both you and your roommate, but there are steps you can take to make this time easier. Through open communication and empathy, you can become a strong support system for your roommate and, in turn, they can support you as well.